My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
