i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
