if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
