this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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