entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
