How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
