i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
