I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
