I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
