OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Pants are for mortals
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
