I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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