just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
