Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
