My nipple is on Facebook.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
