I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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