His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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