i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
