I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
