some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
