Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
