At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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