but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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