I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
