Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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