After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
