she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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