well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Randomize
