Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
