porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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