Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There r osticjed everywhere
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
