No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
