I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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