Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
