quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
