I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
