This girl is more easily done than said...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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