im about as happy as oj after his trial
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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