when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
