i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
