I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
All I want is dick and wine.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
