The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
