Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
