Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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