12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
