Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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