Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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