The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
