I hate your face
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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