We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
