omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
