she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
