I smell stomach acid.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
