I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
